Our Listeners’ Wacky Assumptions About Free Beer and Hot Wings

Hi Idiots.

We share a lot about our lives with you every day, some of us more than others. We love having the show feel like it is just us all hanging out and one of the best ways to do that is to show we're normal* people like you. However, there is plenty about us that you don't know which can lead one to (naturally) make some assumptions about us.

So last week, we asked all of you over on our Facebook page "What is ONE assumption you have about someone on the show that you have no evidence for but believe is 100% true?" and you did not disappoint. The assumptions were all over the place, so let's break down a couple for each person.

Hot Wings

Hot Wings had the most and some of the best assumptions and that could be because he's a bit more private than say, Free Beer who has a drop about his "graveyard farts", so people have more guesses about Hot Wings than anyone else.

From Ritch:

Hot Wings doesn't have a house. He has a compound.

Incredibly valid. In my time with the team, I also get this impression and I will 100% be going to his house if there is a zombie apocalypse.

From Will:

Hot Wings is the Scranton Strangler.

This was the top-liked assumption with 63 likes, so a lot of you think it is plausible HW is the Scranton Strangler. Based on all the psychopath talk, not an unfair assumption.

From Neil:

Hot Wings wears his drum major hat during both self pleasure and intercourse.

Have you seen him in that drum major fit? That's enough to make anyone feel some type of way.

From Andrew:

When everyone goes into an imitation of the way Hot Wings talks, that is the way he actually talks outside of the show. He's just trained himself to speak "normal" as a show-voice.

This is actually 100% true, who told you, Andrew?!

And finally, from Michael:

Hot Wings was actually the one responsible for the poop dollup and he made Tommy his scape goat so he didn't have to clean it up or risk pissing off the cleaning staff.

Including this one purely out of bias and a need to clear my name in any way I can. Thank you, Michael.

Maitlynn

From Tom:

Maitland is one of your kids.

Basically.

From Jose:

Maitland is literally an all powerful Goddess.

This is also 100% correct.

From Steve:

Mait is actually my grandma reincarnated.

I'd say there is definitely evidence of Mait being a grandma in a past life. Why you ask? Well, read below.

From Yllennoc:

Mait crochets and has cookie tubs full of sewing supplies.

Exhibit A.

Kelly

From Nathan:

Kelly double dips but will adamantly deny it.

This is probably the most accurate assumption out of everyone, honestly.

From Ritch:

Kelly is a high priced assassin/thief. Her fun trips are just a cover for her crimes.

She does travel quite a bit...

Andy created an entire backstory:

Kelly has multiple degrees in astrophysics but found irrefutable proof that the universe is ending in a few years. Since there is nothing anyone can do about it, she destroyed her research, faked her death and created a new identity as a radio host in Atlanta. She intends to have fun as the end of all things draws near.

I appreciate the scale of this assumption and am choosing to believe it's accurate.

From Tyler:

Kelly uses Mayo as deodorant.

I am not sure if there is any basis for this claim but it does seem like a weird at-home remedy she'd try.

Free Beer

From Richard:

Free Beer can swim.

Honestly, he could be playing the long game and deceiving everyone until he pulls off an epic rescue mission.

From Kelly:

Free Beer is full of himself...

This is actually untrue! He is one of the kindest and most considerate people I've ever met. He stays in his lane and is very mindful of what he says to people and how he treats them.

From Chris:

Free Beer is bilingual and that's why he word scrambles.

Let's not give him too much credit here...

Steve

From Christopher:

Steve secretly loves gardening

Rumor has it that Steve sells bushels of radishes at the farmer's market.

From Matthew:

Steve isn't really rebuilding a jeep...it's Killdozer 2.0

Rumor also has it that this is how he protects his garden from pesky rabbits.

From Ben:

Steve's weekend job is wearing the mouse costume at Chuck E Cheese.

Chuck E Steve's, coming to a neighborhood near you.

That's all folks. We'd love to do something like this again, so if you have any recommendations send them on over to tommy@freebeerandhotwings.com