Free Beer and Hot Wings’ Perfect Crime

Hi Idiots.

We are not criminal masterminds on this show, as shocking as that news may come to some of you. Some of us are pretty handy in the tools department, but others among us would be in a big bind if we were to find ourselves in a legal pickle.

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But I've been watching a lot of Yellowjackets lately, and one character is a terrible criminal. So bad she deserves to be caught. Her husband's reactions to her awful decisions show who the real brains in the relationship are. I won't spoil anything, but if you haven't watched Yellowjackets you should start.

Maitlynn

Mait is pulling a card from the movie 21. She's pretty confident she could become a master of card counting and take the casinos by storm. It's a fairly victimless crime, considering the amount of money casinos have. Plus, she is pretty innocent looking so she thinks she'd be able to get away with it.

Hot Wings

Hot Wings wants to trade in his wings for a tail and become a cat burglar. He claims that can move pretty quietly, is good at not drawing attention to himself, owns a lot of black clothing, and is good at observing people's behaviors. Lock your doors, y'all.

Steve

Steve gave a very Steve answer, saying he could easily run a very successful chop shop. He's good at taking things apart, especially vehicles. As long as he doesn't put them back together in the working order, he would be excellent at it.

Tommy

If it was up to me, I think I would be a total copycat. Perhaps the most famous "perfect crime" in American history revolves around D.B. Cooper, an airplane hijacker who boarded a plane with a bomb in his briefcase and demanded $200,000 in 1971. Upon receiving the ransom money, he leaped from the plane and was never seen again.

Some think he died in the fall, but a culprit has never been found so there's no way to tell. So assuming I can land in a good spot, seems pretty foolproof.

Kelly

Kelly wants to pull off some good old-fashioned insurance by convincing people to let her burn their homes down and splitting the insurance money. Honestly, she could probably convince the house to just set itself on fire.

Free Beer

Phone Beer thinks he would be an exquisite phone scammer and could talk to anyone long enough to get something at the end.

What crime do you think you could pull off? Let us know.