What Free Beer and Hot Wings’ Favorite Donut Says About Them

Hi Idiots.

You can learn a lot about a person based on their eating habits.

For example, Free Beer used to get absolutely clowned for his "brown" diet of only eating things like steak or bacon. I'll let you all decide what that says about him. Then there's the routinely controversial "pineapple on pizza" take that I'm sure you have judged a person for if you're anti-pineapple.

There is one food that raises no eyebrows: donuts. They say there is a donut for everyone, or I do anyway. There is a reliable glazed donut or the happy sprinkled donut. Considering it's National Donut Day, it only makes sense to see where our jolly group of donut-appreciators lie on the favorite donut scale, and also see what their favorite donuts say about them as a person.

Psychologist Jo Hemmings recently broke down information from a survey by Compare the Market to understand how personality influences people's favorite donut choices. While there's no real way to confirm the accuracy of Hemmings' assessments, it's fun to theorize.

For example, Free Beer's favorite donut is a vanilla dip with sprinkles, and Maitlynn's is a heart-shaped dunkin donut. Hemmings said that people who enjoy sprinkled donuts are

Adventurous, innovative and a lot of fun to be around. These are usually generous, confident, open-minded, and charismatic people with the ability to inmprove anyone's mood.

I'd say that's a pretty dang accurate description of both these two. Strong start for Hemmings!

Let's continue. Hot Wings and Tommy both really enjoy cream and custard-filled donuts. She didn't have input on cream-filled, but she did have this to say about custard-filled:

People who enjoy custard donuts are passionate, kind and warm-hearted individuals. These are usually social people who are always cheerful, friendly, trustworthy, and emphathetic.

Well. I like to think I'm a pretty optimistic and friendly person, but some of Hot Wings' hot takes can be the opposite of most of these things so Hemmings may get a wash on her credibility here. But don't worry, we still have Steve and Kelly.

Steve's favorite donut is a chocolate and coconut donut from Dunkin. Hemmings claims that chocolate fans

recognize that life is too short and everyone should enjoy an indulgence. They are always up for a party and have good friend group who match their energy.

I'd say this is pretty accurate considering Steve is down for almost anything and is always up to wack ideas. His good vibes are contagious. Hemmings is positive once more. However, we have one person left...

Kelly's choice is uniquely her and I really enjoy and appreciate that. In typical unconventional fashion, Kelly's favorite donut is an apple fritter, which is rather enjoyable because I'm sure there are some people who would not consider that a donut. In fact, Hemmings had nothing to say about an apple fritter. However, I'm going to throw my hat in the ring and psychoanalyze an apple fritter enjoyer:

Fans of apple fritters radidate that "old soul energy". These tend to align with laid back people who are patient and loyal people where "simple is best".  Apple fritters are a classic and easy donut, and the people who enjoy these are also authenthic and take it as you see them people.

That's all. I'd say Hemmings' assessments were pretty accurate. Does my assessment of apple fritters sound right? Let us know over on Facebook.